2021 has been a year of ups and downs. As of November 7, 2021 I am facing miscarriage number 3 or a late cycle. My heart is heavy. I am struggling with feelings ranging from deep sorrow to utter frustration that I am not able to keep them. I start to drift down the path of feeling what’s wrong with me, was it my fault, is it worth trying again… it hurts so what’s the point…. I can’t keep doing this. This feels like insanity. Getting the same results and no promised blessings from the Lord, at least in the way I have understood they would be. What am I missing?

Having all the symptoms and getting all the excitement in anticipation then to start spotting… then bleeding… then remnants of my pregnancy being flushed away. It is hard to not get past 5-8 weeks of being pregnant. They’ve run tests that say I am fine. That perhaps all I need to do is loose weight. I am almost 37 and am wondering if God had me wait too long to marry to have all the promised blessings in this life.

It is hard to keep the faith in this process. God has a plan, I guess I don’t understand. I choose the Lord’s way, it will be worth it in the end. Prayers and best wishes to you all, especially to those who are also struggling with fertility. God is mindful of us. He loves us. Every experience is for our best good. He will be there for us. We don’t have to walk through this life alone. Although tonight I am feeling very alone in this trial, I am trusting angels will attend and I will bloom in this adversity. The Lord will help me.

As of December 4, 2021… My symptoms of possible pregnancy continued after what felt like a third miscarriage for another 24 days. So it felt like perhaps it was just a weird period and I was still pregnant. I endured these symptoms and others that came. It would have been almost 8 9 weeks Sunday if that was the case. However once again God has other plans. Being pregnant at this time is not in the cards for me.

I must choose faith and be strong. I can’t give up. I feel disappointed and trying not to give up hope. It is had to be almost 40 and feel like my womb is closed for business, that those blessings promised in my patriarchal blessing are no longer for this life. Prayers and much seeking for answers is my next steps.

Today and moving forward are new days for miracles, blessings, and learning.

All my best to you all. Lots of love.